Lovely Bones.

First of all I would like to say that if I ever hear the words my name is Salmon like the fish I will have to hit something. I have been hearing that in the Lovely bones trailers since last year and now I see the film and I hear it again for what feels like 100 times. Just had to get that out, the first thing wrong with this film.

The second thing wrong must be the structure. We know she dies because it is one the first things it tells us in the film so show us it already. Again what feels about 30 minutes in, she finally dies. This might seem a horrible thing to say. "Hurry up and show us the dead girl." But what you have to understand is that for about half a year I have been told this film is about a girl who dies and is stuck in the in between world. So why show us meaningless crap that has nothing to do with the story for the start of the film. This was not even in the book. I do not care about her little brother I want to taken along the story not dragged through the mud for half an hour. Then she does die and it is quite horrible. The tension builds and you have been waiting for it for ages so that bit of the film is good. However you would think that she would die, is stuck in the in between world then try and help her family from the beyond as her killer is still living next door. But no she fannies around in an annoying pointless cgi world for an hour. I hated this about Dr Parnassus and my feelings are the same with this. I want to be moved not watch massive bottles crash into each other on a beach, what is the point in that. Or see her running in front of a green screen with nauseating images projected behind her. Just get on with it!

Putting the general lack of story behind you, you do have one thing that is good. Susan Sarandon but they gave most of her lines to the monotone voice over which is the "Salmon Girl". What is the point of this? Film is a visual medium so show us don't over describe it in a V.O. If you have to say it then let Sarandon say it. She is so much better at delivering lines than the wee girl. When she was allowed to speak she was hilarious and brought some light to the screen unlike Mark Walberg who showed about as much emotion as a tea pot.

Oh and then there was the killer. If anyone was going to cast this film then they would surly pick an evil, hair tingling man. Someone that could scare you with a single glance and that you would be afraid of if you were to even look at them. Again this film lets us down. They cast a totally stereotypical pedo. Nerd, glasses, skinny and disgusting. This is ok and you can total believe that he could be one but I would have rather seen a killer that looks like he would actually have the bottle to kill somebody. This nerd looks like he could just be pushed over and that would be the end of him. He did not have an evil presence about him like Robert De Niro had in Cape Fear.

So this film drags on for an hour after she dies then they final start to click about the killer next door. You then get to see one of the only good scenes in the whole film. The little girl’s sister breaks in to the house next door to try and find evidence to prove that he killed his sister. This part did keep me on the edge of my seat as she rummaged around his house. If you think about it this has been done a thousand times and better. It is just because it is placed in such a god awful film that it seems good. Once you leave and think about it you realise that it was actually it was a mediocre scene. However it was a ray of sunshine in this.

Overall I was very disappointed. I don't know why this film has made me write such a lengthy blog slagging it off. It could be because I have not blogged in so long so feel I should make up for it or it could be that this is film is just that bad. I would strongly recommend you do not see this film unless you want to watch Peter Jackson try and impersonate Tim Burton.